Relationships, Relationships
We all have heard it, and yes it is true. Relationships are HARD. But it is very simple to make it easier on ourselves. Much more simple than most realize. Here are some things to consider:
Always put your partner at t he top of your priority list. Your partner, in a committed relationship or marriage should always come before your other family members, friends, or acquaintances. So yes, if the mother in law is causing problems, set some boundaries and make sure you have your partner's back.
Discussions / arguments are not about who is right and who is wrong. EVER !!! They are about something negative that has happened which caused a negative emotion. In most cases, each person is seeking resolution or repair from that negativity.
Discussing issues must include the absence of defensiveness. As soon as one person becomes defensive, the conversation is not productive. Defensiveness only provokes disconnection.
Quality time is VERY important. The lack of quality time increases the chances of disconnection to arise. Quality time should be sought, effort should be put into it, and quality time should be as much of a priority as paying the mortgage or rent.
Is intimacy important ?? YES! YES! YES!.... intimacy can be present in many forms, but for a couple who does not have medical or mental health issues which prevents sexual activity, intimacy should include a healthy sex life.
Parenting is HARD ! But I actually have all of the answers ….. HAHAHAHA NO I DONT. No one does. No one ever will. But you must be on the same team when parenting your children. Step parents should support the biological parent in what ever decisions are made. And you must know that all children try to divide and conquer to get their way. You do have the power to not allow them to be successful.
Finally: IT IS OK TO ASK FOR HELP !! Many couples get into the routine of thinking things will get better, just wait it out, this is just a phase. Well maybe that is true. But maybe it is not. Preventive maintenance is always the best plan of action. At the first sign of issues that can not be resolved between the two of you, it is OK to ask for help from anyone in your social circle. Just ask together !!! And ask the same people to get the same support !!! Beware of discussing issues separately with separate friends who may or may not give supportive advice. They of course love you, but they do not possess the ability to maintain an objective perception. Therefore, they will lead you in the wrong direction with the best of intentions.
(Dr. Barnes is a licensed professional counselor and the owner of Tranquility Counseling Services, LLC.)
