The Three Cs of Marriage

Commitment - Commitment is a must in any marriage. People will commit to hobbies, careers, friends, and even sports. So why is it so difficult to commit in a marriage. Commitment does not mean that you make promises to love each other forever and ever, although that should be a given. Commitment is about determination to work through the tough times, determination to forgive and learn, and determination to avoid intimate connection to others. Commitment is what gets a couple through the dark times so that the couple may enjoy the good times. Commitment is accomplished through mindset. Once a person makes his or her mind up that they will be committed to one person for the rest of his or her life, the follow through should be easy. However, if a person, and yes there are many who do this, has the mindset that they will be committed as long as things always go their way, then they are attentive, but not committed. Commitment means that you maintain your vow no matter what happens. In sickness and in health, through the good and the bad, till death do us part is not a chant at a wedding. It is a vow, which means you are committing to one person no matter what. Commitment requires that you do not entertain any idea of another in a flirtatious or romantic manner. Commitment requires that you continuously study your spouse, learn his or her needs, and put forth effort to fulfill those needs.

Connection – It is imperative that couples maintain connection with each other. The connection will keep the flame alive. The connection will prevent a person from falling out of love. Connection will entice a healthy sex life. Connection will initiate new activities for socializing. Connection will inspire physical health. Connection will provide support and understanding when needed. Couples are able to feel comfortable with vulnerability when they perceive themselves to be connected. Couples are able to trust each other when they are connected. Connection is created through sharing hobbies, going out for date night, participating in social events, and communication about dreams, ideas, and beliefs. Connection breeds connection. In other words, the more you make an effort to connect, the more natural your connection will grow. Connection is why people say, “my husband is my best friend.” Connection is why people say, “I could not do it with my wife. When people continue to say they feel they are in love with their spouse, what they may be actually saying is “We are connected on a deeper level.”

Consistency – People learn through repetition. Trust is built when a person keeps a promise. Therefore, consistency is very important in a marriage. Just because a person nurtures his or her marriage on Monday, does not mean the marriage will still be thriving on Friday. Consistency means that you put effort into your marriage every day. Consistency means that you continuously do the things that you know makes your spouse happy. Consistency means you continually speak your spouse's love language. Consistency also means that you never stop caring about your spouse's needs. Consistency should come easy. However, the truth is just as hard as it is to break habits, it can be hard to start them. We have good intentions, but get busy or distracted by old habits and forget. Until something is repeated multiple times, it most likely will not be remembered. Therefore, it will not be consistent. Consistency can begin with setting an alarm to remind you each day to follow through with an important action that speaks to your spouse in a way that lets your spouse know you are committed and connected. Consistency is a responsibility not an option.