Me vs Myself

We all have bad days. It may not be clear why we are having a bad day. But we all will have bad days. So when this happens we typically struggle with our self in various ways. First we may have an argument in our mind determining that road rage is appropriate, or we may feel enraged because a coworker used the last coffee cup in the break room. These side effects of having a bad day can be well hidden. However, you can not hide from your self.

A bad day many times means you will cause chaos for yourself even if you do not know it. Let me share a story.

One day very recently, I had a day off. This is rare for me. I had looked forward to this day off for three weeks. I was excited to have a day off to do absolutely nothing but organize my closet and finish two acrylic paintings I had long ago started. I woke up early, I made my coffee and I smiled as the sun rose. But then, things took a turn.

I checked my emails and found an email that needed my attention. I answered and waited for a response as I sipped my coffee. At that point I thought, "This will only take a few minutes and then I can return to my ummm day off." After the response came in I realized that I needed to print a paper and sign it to be returned. This meant that I had to go to my office. Not what I should be doing on my day off. I have a printer at home that is not paired with my laptop, so I assumed that a trip to the office would be quicker. I wanted to walk and enjoy the morning air, but I realized that my laptop was at home and this would be frustrating to carry. So I drove. My irritation grew.

Once I arrived a the office I realized my printer was jammed. So I attempted to pull the jammed paper out of it. No luck. My irritation grew. I turned the printer over and tried to free the paper from the back. No luck. My irritation grew. I became side tracked with various minutia things around the office that needed my attention. My irritation grew. I went back and attempted to get the printer to working. No luck. I became angry.

I was watching my watch the entire time, thinking to myself, "I am supposed to be off from work today!" I felt time was slipping by faster than I could count it. I was certain that my day off was wasted. After all, it was already 11am. Over the next two hours I worked with this printer and became more desperate. I also became more enraged.

Eventually, I unplugged the printer and was headed to the dumpster outside. I was done with it. I would slam it into the trash and just go get a new one. I'll show you, I thought to myself as if the printer felt the punishment my enraged mindset was going to impose.

Somewhere inside my enraged mind, a logical flicker of thought emerged and I decided to take the printer home and take it completely apart in order to free the jammed paper. I arrived at home but could not find the tools I needed. I called my husband. He reminded me that the metric tools were in his car, and of course he was at the fire station for a twenty four hour shift. So, the printer would not be repaired.

So, I slammed the printer down on the dining room table, stomped around my house saying many things in my head that can not be repeated toward the printer, toward myself for not having a day off, and to the all of the faceless people who caused that printer to jam. This included the manufacturer, the retailer from which I purchased it, the software company, the manufacturer of the paper, and past presidents of the US. These people had made my life a living hell on the day that I was supposed to be relaxing.

Moral of the story part one: When we allow life to get to us, we will catastrophize it in our own minds. And most of the time, it is not as bad as we perceive it to be in that moment. When we react with emotions instead of logic we might as well be pouring gasoline on a fire. Somehow, I was able to pull myself out of the flames and salvage the remainder of my day.

I spent the next thirty minutes downloading the software of the printer located at my house and I printed the paper I needed. I should have done this in the first place and never went to my office.

The next day when my hero returned home from his shift, he checked the printer. In less than two minutes he had the jammed paper free. He made a test copy and the printer was as good as new. He did all of this with no tools. When he told me he had fixed the printer I immediately went into a full blown state of confusion. What ? How ? What ? He gently said, "Honey, the instructions on how to free jammed paper is listed on the printer in plain site." He continued, "It shows pictures, you don't even have to read the instructions." I stared at him in amazement, confusion, and admiration. It took a few seconds for this to process in my mind and then we both enjoyed a good laugh.

Moral of the story part two: I had stared at this printer for at least two hours. The picture instructions were in front of my eyes, literally, the whole time. However, I was so frustrated, irritated, and then enraged that I could not see the instructions. Our mindset can distract us. Our mindset can cause all kinds of chaotic thoughts. But most of the time, simple instructions to simple solutions are right in front of us. We just have to be able to take a deep breath, self sooth, and change our mindset to know that everything will be OK. Then most likely we will see the solution, implement the solution, and go about our happy day. When we get into a "Me vs Myself" situation, no one wins.