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Bullies In The Workplace

Bullies. This has been the topic of discussion around many dinner tables. It has also been the topic of discussion in many clinician offices, school counselor offices, and even police precincts. Bullying is an act of aggression toward another person. The bully will target someone who is vulnerable, or of lesser power and intentionally intimidate or cause harm. Harm may be physical harm, or it may be psychological or social harm. The typical bully is recognized as the kid on the playground who is terrorizing other kids. It is often the high school kid who is causing social harm by embarrassing and humiliating others. Technology has enabled bullies to broaden their attack methods and target people without being face to face.

However, other bullies also exist. The spouse who verbally abuses another spouse can be considered a bully. The sibling who creates hostility in the home environment for another sibling can be considered a bully. Statements such as, “all couples get angry with each other”, or “sibling rivalry is normal” tends to take a denial approach to the potential harm that could be inflicted upon another person. While these statements do hold some truth, the bully’s purpose is to intimidate to gain power. If this is the result of a couple’s argument or sibling rivalry, this should not be considered normal.

Still, another bully exists. This bully may be more difficult to identify. This bully may actually be rewarded for this type of behavior. This bully can be found at employment sites. The person who manipulates another person by using social skills, kindness, or charm to gain power over another person has the same objective. The objective to cause harm or to intimidate may still be present. This bully utilizes kindness and charm to influence another into making choices that will result in harm. The bully uses kindness and charm to convince the victim that the embarrassment and humiliation the victim is experiencing is merely a misunderstanding. This bully is rewarding by gaining favoritism from the boss. This bully may be promoted to a higher position. This bully accomplishes self gain by intimidating or initiating harm to the competitive co-workers. Some may call this behavior assertive skills. Others may call this behavior motivation. Those traits certainly exist. However, when a person is using any approach, kind or aggressive, with the purpose of intimidating and harming others for personal gain, they can be identified as a bully.

So how do you identify this last bully type? If a person presents as your friend, but this person does not support or encourage you, then be aware. An authentic person, though competing for the same rewards, will not play mind games to create a sense of confusion for you. The authentic person may be assertive, focused, and determined. But the authentic person understands ethics and dignity. The bully will typically be more deviant, greedy, or defensive. This bully is difficult to recognize and in “dog eat dog” jobs bullying may be extremely common. However, when attempting to identify bullies in the work place, ask yourself two questions. First, do you believe this person has strong values, morals, and a strong sense of dignity? Second, do you believe this person is transparent with motivation or do you believe this person is manipulating. If the manipulation is causing intimidation or harm, you may want to conclude this person to be a potential bully and consider your position.


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